We go through life thinking that it’s a bad thing to have sustained any wounds. Nobody gets out of here unwounded, my friends. This video, and the myth of Chiron, triggered a realization in me. Don’t you love those realizations?
I get this deep understanding today. There is a purpose to our woundedness. Wounds happen. They are useful. They hurt like a *%&@# but it’s just part of the human condition. I remind myself that I signed up for this party. I was invited and I accepted and I chose to be incarnated. No more whining allowed. Or at least aloud.
I have wounds. The art of living is in discovering how best to use those wounds sustained to make the world a better place. That’s also the key to our purpose in life. What wounds have you sustained? Are you living your life in order to heal your wounds by helping others with their own wounds?
I’m questioning this today. Some of my own woundedness has been around personal power and being a woman and feeling stuck on a certain idea of how kids need/deserve/desire/want to be raised. I totally get pain. I totally get spiritual distress. I totally agree that self realization rocks. And I feel late to the game. Always the late bloomer.
Will I complete my mission in time? Will I run out of time before I finally ‘get’ it???
I want to be of service to the world. I suspect I AM being of service. No real evidence that I am other than in my day job as a registered nurse. God, it gets so exhausting, though. Please, PLEASE, help me find my place. Help me uncover the very best way to be of service and be able to not be so exhausted and drained that I have LOVE left over to give. To my kids, to myself, to my garden, to my art, to my kitty cat. To opening up to the possibility of a new relationship.
My Now is no longer serving the world because, although it is healthcare and wonderful to give and care for others, especially our elders, it is no longer serving ME. I have to make a decision. I’ve been making this decision for years. About 10 1/2 years. Since about the time my third child was born and everything in my soul rejected the idea of returning to nursing school for the last semester. I did not want to be a nurse but I was kinda stuck. Stuck with the looming reality of paying off a honkin’ huge student loan without the means to do it. In for a penny, in for a pound. In for a BSN degree, in for life. Is that true?
I’ve been reading lots of blogs about people who have changed gears in their lives. Etsy artists who have quit their day jobs for their creativeness. Tama Kieves ditched the Harvard law life because it stopped working for her. I so totally get her and I look to her and others for guidance.
What I need is courage. What I need is a bit of time to work on the plan. The Plan.
I’ve been working various formations of The Plan for 10 years. It’s time to honor myself once and for all. Show some true Self Love. This is my life. It’s the only one I got. It occurred to me yesterday, what if I HAD to do something else other than nursing? What if outside forces…um..forced me to do that something else? What if the wellbeing of myself and my family depended upon my making a better choice for my work life? Well it does. And it’s internal forces at work. The pain of holding myself away, apart from my true, fulfilling work — WHATEVER THAT LOOKS LIKE (because I really don’t know for sure yet) — is causing me mental anguish. Today it is manifesting as physical pain in my back and neck. The tension I feel is physical. The source is spiritual. I cannot afford NOT to make a change. Alignment with Source is everything to me right now.
Blessings to you all.
