In yesterday’s post, Be Your Own Superhero(ine), I suggested if you don’t like the way the story is playing out in your head, change the script. I’m taking my own advice today.
For the past few weeks, I have been envisioning a different career for myself. I didn’t know what it would look like. I only knew how I wanted to feel in this new career. I had ideas..and I was pretty attached to those ideas.
The visionboard above was something I created a number of weeks ago. It’s mostly words, which is appropriate given my love of writing. It’s on a large index card, making it rather portable. So, imagine my surprise to find this stuff works! Holy cow! On my visionboard, I have put a number of things. I didn’t specify what I wanted my happy career life to look like. There’s nothing on there that says “nursing” or “writing” which have been the focus of my attention for sooooooooo long now. Thing is, working so hard at both of those have had me spinning my wheels. For years, as mentioned in my whiney post the other day on The Bad Rap of Woundedness.
I got an offer the other day to take my career in a whole new-but-not-new direction. I didn’t sleep very well last night as I weighed out my options. Should I? Shouldn’t I? What’s best? Is this a real sign? Am I waiting for a sign to save me? What if I don’t make enough headway with this new direction?
And really, it’s a perfect opportunity. I can work the new opportunity while staying in my present career. My intention is to smoothly move into the new career while still maintaining a sense of stability and responsibility. Sometimes you read stories of people who have made the big ol’ leap into the unknown and trusted the net would be there. Well, I’m it. I think some people forget there is often a net for others in the form of a life partner. I’m the whole show here, so it didn’t feel good to take a leap and hope. It feels good, and responsible, to ME, to do what I’m planning to do.
The other thing about this opportunity is it will really change my story, which what this post is supposed to be all about. I could keep doing what I’ve been doing, writing the story…writing the story…wanting my life to look a certain way based on my terms. But it’s not working for me. I read a blog post the other day about knowing when to walk away from something and calling it a day. I’m feeling that way today. I had this idea of how I was going to craft this new career for myself. I (the ego side of me) was pretty sure I was going to write something of value for the world. I was going to save the world – and other women - with my words. I was going to share all I’ve learned. Yee-haa. Giddyup.
It just all felt like <blah> vomit. I was regurgitating all I have learned instead of actually living it. I was doing a dis-service to myself.
This new opportunity fits. I cannot deny it. It’s not that new as I’ve tried it before. I was not very successful at it then. Given the spiral nature of life, how we tend to revisit issues/events, looking oh-so-familiar but different, it feels like the right direction to take. There is an element of fear but I recognize it as normal, healthy, unknown stuff. Part of the fear may have something to do with knowing I am really going to be rewriting my story — and that gets scary. Letting go of the familiar, even when it no longer serves us, is scary. We are funny creatures, us spirits doing the human thing.
So yeah, rewriting the story. It is a game-changer. It will change so many other things about my life. To be successful at it, I will need to give up other ideas I’ve had. To be successful I’ll have to stop focusing on writing the next great thing that will miraculously catapult me to fortune. I’m okay with that. It’s been not working for a long time now. Nice idea, but maybe the timing is not right. To be successful at this, I’ll also have to be happy with my career. I’ve been UN-happy for so long it is going to be different to be happy. And I’m okay with that. To be successful at this new opportunity I’ll also have to become more organized and disciplined. I’m okay with that, too. I welcome the change. This new opportunity will give me direction. All the other directionless stuff will have to fall by the wayside.
Thing is, I ASKED for “discipline”. I ASKED for “career that I love”. I ASKED for “abundant life”. I ASKED, in the desperation and pain of a breakdown (breakthrough?), to be” shown something new, something better, something that I can use my talents at”. So what do I do now that Spirit has answered in the form of this opportunity? Do I snub my nose and say, “Uh, thanks, but that’s not what I had in mind. That’s too hard. That’s going to stretch me and make me grow.” No. When Spirit answers, you say yes. The fact that Spirit has given me the same opportunity AGAIN, about 5 years later, is not lost on me. Saying yes to this opportunity doesn’t feel like normal. It’s not supposed to feel like normal. Normal wasn’t working very well for me. Time for a new normal. It doesn’t feel like normal, but it doesn’t scream “NO DON’T DO IT”. I’m still going to sit with it for a bit. Try it on. There’s no hurry and I’m learning to honour myself more these days, to honour the whole decision-making process. There’s no hurry.
Namaste.
