I enjoyed a conversation this afternoon with my 22 year old daughter. She’s in a place that she does not wish to be any longer. She left a relationship a few months ago and, without proper planning, has found herself stuck. She’s in living circumstances that she has chosen by default, simply because she did not plan accordingly. Sounds creepily familiar.
I’ve left relationships without planning anything. Left by the skin of my teeth. Escaped. Why do we do that to ourselves, I wonder?
Our discussion went on, about the importance of saving some funds for an exit strategy. It’s good business sense, when creating a business plan, to consider what your exit strategy would be. Would you sell the business? Have your partner(s) buy you out? Hand the business over to a relative? What do you plan to have happen when you and the business no longer fit?
It’s rare to stick with one thing these days and that includes relationships. I’m not saying that nothing lasts. On the contrary, if you’ve created an emergency exit stash, you’re retaining a certain amount of power. You’ll always know you CAN leave if you want to. You won’t stay because you HAVE to. Knowing you have the means to leave, you’re likely to conduct yourself in a more empowered fashion. Not having the funds to change your life situation creates a dependency in yourself and well, creates all kinds of problems in the relationship.
I told my daughter, even though she’s moving into a shared house situation, she’ll still want to create an emergency stash for herself. There will be a time when she will need or want to move on. That’s a given. Why not create some comfort at the beginning so when the time comes, she is able to enjoy a certain amount of freedom.
What About True Love?
Well, I don’t know…I’m not in a relationship at the moment, but I still think it’s a good idea for a girl to have her own stash. Just in case. Listen, you may enjoy a long, beautiful relationship full of honesty and sharing. I would love that for you. For anyone. If that’s the case, you can use your stash to go on a girlfriend holiday. When you come back, start building the stash up again. Paying yourself first in the form of a stash shows self-respect. It shows you care about yourself enough to plan ahead and take care of yourself financially in the event of an emergency exit.
Truth is, something happens to every relationship somewhere down the line. That sounds so morose, and I’m sorry, but it’s true. He may die. Celebrations of Life can be costly. Either of you may get sick, causing you to want to do one last great thing together. Or bring relatives close.
Or you may just need, for whatever reason, to leave the relationship.
Create an exit strategy. Take care of yourself. You don’t have to tell anyone about it, but be prepared. I was not prepared for the exits I’ve had to make in my life. It’s been much harder to pick myself up and rebuild my life than it would have been if I had made plans for myself. I took a huge hit to my self esteem, also, and that is never worth it.
I’m suggesting some common sense. I was reminded awhile ago, not every woman leaving an abusive relationship is financially strapped. That’s fantastic. My experience, however, indicates otherwise. Money is energy. When you’re depleted emotionally, you’re not doing the abundant vibe. Don’t let yourself get depleted. Take care of yourself emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually, mentally…need more ways to take care of yourself?
I’d like to hear from you. If you’re in a relationship, do you have your own stash? If you’ve left a relationship recently, did you have a stash of your own to tie you over? Or, were you like me and left without really planning? I appreciate your comments.
